Backbenchwarmer

It is said every man who has been ostracized  in society is really a genius in disguise. While that was said by me, it doesn’t make it any less true. It has been a while since I last communicated with you all and I want you to know I am alive and well. Oma and I have taken to a few hobbies that had us off the computer altogether. We’ve been selling Avon as a side venture to help our financial situation. (If you need any foundation or concealer, do let me know. It’s perfect for getting rid of those worry lines when facing the heat in the court of law, might I add.)

Perhaps I should recap all of the things worth noting that have happened in my absense.

• Michael Jackson Passed Away
• World Economy Collapsed
• Marlene McDonald put on a few
• Tiger Woods
• $2, 000, 000 flag
• Arima to Port-of-Spain increased to $6
• Detox still hasn’t come out
• Avatar was a terrible movie

You readers are like the COP, think you are smart but don’t know a thing. Luckily I am here to guide you lost lambs like the good shepherd I am. What do you think all these things have in common?

That’s right. The PNM are directly or indirectly responsible for all these things. If you need me to explain why or how, then please refrain from reading my blog immediately.

As I have found myself in a position of having more time, I will go into why the PNM is continuing to ensure the downfall of our society. Believe me when I say it is no small feat to kick dust in the face of Trinidadians, by making them pay an exorbitant amount of money at $6 to travel to Movie Towne, only then to see the detritus that was Avatar?

As for my political career, it is no secret that “she” has taken up the reigns of my beloved party. And while my actions may confuse it is the few smart ones who read my blog, that will know and understand that while my actions may seem selfish and contrary to what I claim to stand for, it’s because I have sense of pride that I act the way I do.

Of course everyone wanted to talk about Calder Hart, and while exposing PNM corruption is in fact very near and dear to my heart, people have turned a blind eye to the real issues facing us: me not leading the UNC. Such a travesty is not something we should take lightly, and the revolution will be televised. The UNC has been a boat, that, yes, may not have held water when it came to trivial things like “integrity” and “public trust” but is no different than any other political party. I am the captain of the SS UNC, and like a good captain will be the last one on the boat as it sinks. Even if I have to sink it myself.

Happy New Year: Back To Business

I need to apologize for being away. I had to take a trip to get some handbag for Oma, so i dipped my and in the UNC funds and was on my way. On my way back, however, we had a little stop to make which ended up with me taking a bath in the Hudson river. Lent a guy my iPhone to take a picture and he gets all the recognition. Unbelievable. The rising sun is pushed to the side, yet again.

Anyway, with that out of the way: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

With that out of the way, welcome to hell. I hope the PNM will be subsidizing belts now with the call for the banding of bellies. That is a story in and of itself though and I plan to expose that whole scenario for what it really is.

I’m back and you are welcome. Now follow me on Twitter.

Twitter Me This

Where to begin…
I suppose I should start off by saying where I have been gone all this time. Three words: World of Warcraft. I know, you didn’t think the Silver Fox had the time to be raiding with the UNC guild, but you’re wrong. I was kicked out of Parliament after all. I think when I get reinstated I will have to move with one of those Netbooks, like the Dell Mini 12 so when Patrick with those Coke-bottle frames wants to say anything I will simply claim it is a calculator. Anyway, moving right along.

So Patos is back with the blog and of course can’t stop talking about me. And forget dealing with this HCU situation (thank goodness Oma made me open that ScotiabankBE account) because Patos has to Twitter! Being the pioneer that I am, I already have my Twitter profile up and running and it has been active since last year.

This wajank had my Facebook profile removed, then comes to speak ill of me on Twitter. The poor soul believes the Twitter spam bots I have following him are real.

I also had to had the prefix “fake” to my name, for fear that Patrick does to my Twitter account what he did to my Facebook. I promise to update more often, I have received many emails, or an email with many letters, can’t remember which.

Sasha and Jerry, Sitting in a Studio

It seems as thought this Sasha and Jerry thing is the talk of the town, and since my opinions matter more than anyone on anything even though I may not have any authority on the issue I’ll give the correct take on the issue.

First, let me say how great it was to see that Jerry Narace is the purest of the PNM breed. Talking and talking and talking without giving anyone a chance to talk on their own segment edge-wise is so very typical. Welcome to my world Sasha. When I watched the video all I could think was the only thing missing was she get kicked off the show for using a laptop.

The second thing I want to say is that I am sorry, Sasha. I know you are a big supporter of mine, and you show this in each and every single one of your reports. For that I must thank you, and no, I do not think you have to worry. The people in the country are more concerned with food prices, Facebook and Keisha Cole & T-Pain to notice the bias in your reporting. Take the advice from a BS master, nobody will remember what happened last week. You think anybody remembers that “interview” with the “journalist” Anil Roberts?

Guess Who’s Back

Well, it’s been quite a while since we had any sort of communication, so perhaps I should fill you in on what has been happening. What do you say? Good.

The first and main reason I have not been around is I am just way too tired. bMobile insists on taking up all my time by giving free calls and text messages after 10 and I have been taking advantage of it! I’m pretty sure they did this just for me, as a means of saying they support me after being kicked out of parliament for no reason whatsoever. Don’t bother trying to get the same deal, it probably won’t work for you.

I know Ramesh has been trying all sorts of trickery to get me back into parliament but I am having way too much fun thanks to my free calls so I decided to come up with some bullshit reason to not carry it any further. Something about betraying trust or something, I can’t remember. Truth be told, I just get some UNC secretary to make up stuff and send it out in press release, as well as a script I can read in case a reporter calls for a quote or something. I don’t tell  you how to do your job, and a steady stream of bullshit is hard to come by after all.

It’s been so long since I have been on this computer, so forgive me if there are any typos.

Okay, I’m off. Might I just say the Chris Brown concert was HOT! Right now Oma and I are trying to figure out how to make it to the T-Pain and Keisha Cole concert. If there’s internet there I will update you all on what is going on, or if not I can always Twitter. Twittering from the Keisha Cole concert, now that scenario seems like it’s sent from heavan.

Mylime and CAPE

I really must apologize for the lack of updates. Ever since I got back into the country I have been hooked on bMobile’s My Lime. I can call Ramesh and Jack and Kamla and even Dooks for free. Even better, I added Winston’s number without him knowing mine, so I keep sending him texts every few minutes. Nothing better than sending “ur party sux lolz” for free.

Now, on to this whole CXC and CAPE fiasco. I have never liked Barbados, where I think the Caribbean Examination Council is, if it isn’t pretend it is since I don’t know how to be wrong. I do not know what it is they are doing with the PNM Government over these leaks that ends up in horrible decisions being made.

How is it you can determine a leak cannot take place in more than one country? Is it that Barbados is so preoccupied with stealing flying fish and other plots that they don’t know about modern technology? Is Rihanna and Chris Brown.

If the exams are being cancelled they would obviously have to be cancelled for everyone, not just one country. Also, if both CAPE and CXC are handled in the same way and are the responisibility of the same body, both CAPE and CXC would have to be redone. Of course, not in a PNM world. So obviously Chris Brown is going to get a distinction in Chemistry when nobody thinks it’s possible to email scans of papers.

Rowley Gone

Interesting news coming out of Port-of-Spain as the Trade Minister was fired, I see. Keith “all I need is a tea-cup to fight” Rowley has been fired by Dictator Manning. What’s better is that Ken Valley has now been revived from the political grave by the media to give his take on the situation which is basically him telling everyone that he told us so. Well guess what, I told everyone so, before you tubby. The Express quotes Valley as saying:

those who have ears to hear, would have heard what he said before the election (about Prime Minister Patrick Manning)”.

I suppose we can take that to mean that the people of Trinidad & Tobago have ears of corn, since they did not heed Mr. Valley’s warnings of Mr. Manning’s impending dictatorial tenancies.

I wonder how Keith must be feeling right about now, having been with the PNM for so long and now being tossed aside. One gets the feeling that there is certainly some animosity, even sadness in it all as Rowley sat in the benches with no name plate, throwing glances at Patrick when he wasn’t doing the same.

I know I can count on my team to pick at the bones as the carcass rots in the sun. First Ramesh comes up to say that the collapse of the Government is at hand, happening in mere months when he thought it would be over a course of 3 years. Looks like someone owes me a doubles for winning a bet!

Next, Kamla hops out of the kitchen to say that Manning owes the country an explanation considering Rowley has had experience in parliament and if what people are saying about his firing being on account of laying allegations on the PNM then all of this should be addressed. But more important than that, more important than whatever problem is going in within the PNM is that they are masters of diverting attention. We still have high food prices to deal with over here.

Oh yeah, and Jack said something about how Colm Imbert is up next. Gold star for effort, I suppose. I swear, you give the man a safe seat in a strong UNC constituency and he thinks he’s the greatest politician since Basdeo Panday.

Well, I am still here in London. Oma is coping. I think I will try to do this more often, blogging my thoughts in one collective post rather than try posting ever so often during the day. What do you think? Feel free to follow me on Twitter, I will update there more often and save the meatier things for right here on the blog.

I think we need to have a meeting with Jack so he knows when is the right time to talk and when to be quiet.

Now I’m Banned From Parliament?

Well, look at this. Yesterday I made an attempt to perform my duty and represent the people of the country that I love when I was stopped by Senior Superintendent Lopez. We had a bit of an exchange as The Express reports:

“The suspension was for one day, so I come to do my duty and I don’t know who’s stopping me from entering the Parliament…is it the Speaker? Did the Speaker order you to arrest me if I come here?”

The officer, in a very soft and almost inaudible tone, said: “Yes Sir, the Speaker has said to restrain you from coming.”

Panday shot back, “Restrain me physically, with force and violence and that kind of thing.”

“No violence Sir,” the officer immediately replied as Panday quipped , “How could you use force without violence?”

Trying his best to control the situation the officer told Panday, “I know you are a man of wisdom.”

Panday replied: “Anyway, anyway…this is not your fault, I am not quarrelling with you, I assure you of that, OK.

“I am here to do my duty because I received no communication from anybody and I presume that I was right to be here, if however you say you are instructed by the Speaker not to let me in, I will comply with your wish.”

“You have your duty to do and I have mine,” he continued as he asked the officer, “May I ask your name please sir..because I am going to have to swear to [an] affidavit”.

Panday explained that if the Opposition takes legal action against the Speaker, the entire controversy will have to be documented.

The officer gave his name as Senior Superintendent Lopez as Panday continued, “Thank you kindly and can you tell me when he (Speaker) instructed you.”

Lopez said he was given notice on Thursday by Sinanan to block Panday from entering the House and told Panday, “I appreciate your cooperation”.

“My pleasure, my pleasure,” responded Panday.

So it occurs to me that the PNM really has it out for me this time. Barendra Sinanan must have really gotten his palms greased with some oil money to go along with this one. The media was in my face so I figured why not tell everyone what the PNM is all about – I might as well, Ramesh and I have an ongoing bet to see who can get the most press coverage for the year. As I am about to tell the media how it is all a big conspiracy, the unthinkable happens.

“Mr Panday! Mr Panday! That is a lie! It is not a conspiracy! You lie!” shouted the unidentified man.

The man was restrained by some Charlotte Street vendors who told him to shut up and behave.

He refused to listen and proceeded to shout and yell and verbally attack Panday, pushing media personnel in the process.

“Just so! Just so! Let me have my say! Let me have my say!” shouted the man.

As the fracas heightened, Panday calmly said, “Alright, alright…I’m going home”.

He then gently made his way through the crowd and disappeared in a blink of an eye.

The bugger cut me off! I’ve been telling Oma we have to start doing like the royalty we are and have a veil or blanket of some sort over us when in public like Michael Jackson does with his children. (When I was discussing this with her one time, Jack was there and said that it would be a good idea if we all did it, especially since Ramesh’s face has been harder to look at lately what with the botched Botox job and all.)

Oh and I appreciate the media realising I was able to disappear in the blink of an eye – I figured since I would be banned from parliament (forget that I said I didn’t know, shh) I would take up magic.

Well, I better get some rest, I have to prepare for a meeting with those vendors (do I know how to take advantage of a situation or what?)

Wade Mark says he has a plan for next year (that’s political speak for “we have a year to think of something”). Got to love Wade, and all our members. Always thinking on our feet!

And The Laptop Debacle Goes On

DEPUTY SPEAKER Pennelope Beckles yesterday disclosed that Opposition Leader Basdeo Panday had been warned before last Friday’s sitting of the House of Representatives about not using a laptop computer during a sitting if he was not going to contribute to the debate.

–Newsday Article

I don’t know why she has to be getting involved in all of this. Is someoneangry because we don’t like her album? Tell-tell baby! Walla walla dumping, take of your shoes and tell your Prime Minister something!